What The Bachelorette got wrong

I’ve got my guilty vices as it relates to my entertainment choices.

For some reason The Bachelor and The Bachelorette never became one of them. But this week my news feed is exploding with the news that current Bachelorette Hannah and Luke, one of the guys on her show, have had another major falling out.

Apparently, both are professing Christians and had major chemistry at the start of the show, in part due to their shared beliefs. A few weeks ago, Luke was seen in a private moment telling Hannah that if she had slept with other people, he was no longer interested in her.

He brings up the topic over dinner. “So let’s talk about sex and how the marriage bed should be kept pure,” he says. “And let’s say you have had sex with one or multiple of these guys. I would be wanting to go home.”

At this point, Hannah is completely taken aback. “I have had sex, and honestly, Jesus still loves me.”

They say Luke became the villain of the show. I don’t know if he is a true villain or if the producers needed to find a villain and he was their choice in the editing room. We never know the full context of comments made in an edited “reality” show.

In the clips that I have seen, Hannah wears her faith on her sleeve. Not just on the show, but in interviews about the show. She talks about the difference between Christianity and religion. She also leans into the favorite spiritual truth our culture likes to quote, “thou shalt not judge.”

It is true that we should not use someone’s actions as an excuse to not love them. It is true that we should not expect people who don’t have a relationship with Jesus to live according to the code that he set for us. It is true that we all have issues and areas of brokenness, and that none of us are perfect.

But I’ll tell you what else is true: If you have a relationship with God, you will act differently than others, especially in the sexual realm. If you are dating someone and they don’t follow the same God you do, nor adhere to the same standards, it’s time to head for the hills.

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. (I Corinthians 6:18-20)

What we need when dating is clarity. I counseled my kids and many, many other people that the sexual conversation is a critical one. No matter where you are in your faith journey, having a discussion about what your standards and expectations are relative to sex is an invigorating conversation to have early in a relationship.

When Luke instigates that first sexual conversation it doesn’t go too well. Hannah believes and says that she can do anything and she is forgiven. This is true. But when you are walking closely with God, you don’t do anything you want. Our relationship with Him causes us to say “no” to things others are saying “yes” to, and to say “yes” to things others are saying, “no” to.

After giving Luke the finger on the show, Hannah gave an interview on E Network. She said of the dinner incident, “Nobody should ever be judged for anything they do.” That might sound pretty, but let’s be honest, no one lives like that nor does God require us to live like that. If a friend borrows a tool and never returns it, you wouldn’t let them borrow another. If your mechanic destroyed your engine, you wouldn’t return with more business. I could go on. That’s not judging. It’s wisdom.

I’m not saying Hannah should pick Luke in the end. I’m just saying that I believe living by God’s standards, even the sexual ones, is living by wisdom. God cares deeply about what you do with your body. The choices you make sexually will either set you up for relational success or failure. Our choice should be to honor the God who loves us—whether on a reality TV show or not.

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