Hey GQ: Stay in your lane

GQ Magazine editors recently released a list of “21 Books You Don’t Have to Read.” The Bible came in at #12. Here are 21 reasons (that we will never say out loud) for why the Bible probably made that list.

1. I don’t have time to be commanded to care for the poor. I’ve got too many clothes to research and buy.

2. I don’t want a life that is eternally extraordinary. I want to be an average American consumer.

3. The Bible elevates the value of women in every culture it enters? Meh.

4. Too many people keep the Bible around. I’m excited about filling landfills with magazines that won’t stand the test of time.

5. I don’t want to learn how to love my neighbor as myself. I just need to learn about Chelsea boots.

6. I don’t want timeless wisdom that has built great lives. I just need some grooming tips.

7. A true gentleman doesn’t lay down his life for his wife, he lays down cash for clothes.

8. I don’t want to stress my mind to consider the Bible’s complexities. More manscaping advice please.

9. I only expose myself to things that make me feel good.

10. I don’t want inspiration and instruction that helps a marriage stay strong. I’m more interested in the colognes I should wear this spring.

11. I don’t want a voice of clarity that goes against the cultural grain. I just need to know if plaid goes with stripes.

12. I don’t read things that take an attention span longer than it takes to read an article on pocket squares.

13. Hearing from celebrities is more important than hearing from God.

14. I don’t want to be challenged to curb unhealthy sexual desires. That’s why I read magazines about grooming and pocket squares.

15. I want to focus on external fashion more than internal character.

16. The call of generosity doesn’t evoke my imagination like the pull of researching another pocket square.

17. I’m not curious about the person that all of humanity dates time after, but The Rock captivates me. (The one with the biceps.)

18. I prefer to take my cues from popular culture more than a transcendent God.

19. Let’s get real. God can’t change my life, but “Career Gear’s Life Changing Suits” will.

20. The “10 Commandments” are too narrow minded for a maverick like me who breaks fashion rules all the time.

21. I’m not curious about the most read and best-selling book of all time.

Is the Bible an easy read? No. Is the Bible filled with complexities? Yes.

I would expect a book to offer these tensions if God were to actually communicate through numerous human agents, in numerous cultures, over numerous centuries, calling us to escape a shallow life in search of a transcendent reality.

Hey GQ—stay in your lane while some of us seek after something more.